The First Time

She looks around, searching with her eyes the comforting voice she has grown used to hearing. Once found, a look of peace replaces the tears in her eyes. I smile at her and in my mama voice tell her "hi" reassuring her that she is ok and safe now that mama is here, something she already knew once her eyes settled on mine. It amazes me how quickly a baby learns to trust and how much I still struggle! 

I pick her up and carry her down the steps, whispering in her ear many "I love you's" and telling her how pretty Jesus made her, all the while her little hand gripping the collar of my shirt and holding on ever so tightly. We find our spot on the couch, settle in and get comfortable. I do what comes natural and so does she, the suckling bringing nourishment and comfort. She is getting old enough to look up into my eyes, a moment I always treasured while nursing both Emma and Caleb as well. It is as if she is making sure I am still there, never wanting to lose sight of me - her comfort and safe place. 

I place her over my shoulder, patting her back ever so lightly and hum whichever song comes to mind. She nestles into the nape of my neck and I hear the gentle rhythm of her breathing, her heart still feels as if it is beating in tune with mine. Sleep overcomes her and I rise to place her back into her bed, savoring the sleepy cuddles as long as I can. 

She is 6 weeks and 5 days old today. Too old for me already. I want to go back to that room in the hospital on the day she was born. I want to hold her again for the first time. I want to look into her eyes and kiss her soft skin and breathe her in all over again! This sweet baby is truly living up to her middle name of Joy. For she has been such a Joy from the moment I knew God was knitting her together inside my womb. She continues to fill my life with Joy when she smiles up at me and giggles. When she grabs my thumb and wraps her little fist around it. When noone seems to be able to bring her the comfort and peace she needs quite like I do. There is just something so beautiful about being a mama! 

“Joy is the serious business of Heaven.” ~ C. S. Lewis

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory. ~ 1 Peter 1:8