Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Allowing Stress to Steal my Joy

He has already smacked, scratched, kicked, and punched his sister, and it is not even noon yet!

Standing up in the backseat for the third time today, still not used to being in his "big boy seat", has me yelling at the top of my lungs! My patience is already gone and I am stressing over the fact that I have had to pull over, once again, to buckle him back up!

Yogurt gets spilled on the living room carpet. Cheese smeared, yes smeared, on the top of their bookcase and I've stepped on one too many little dump trucks to count!

Dark clouds fill the sky this afternoon and I think to myself how fitting it is for how I am feeling today. How can everything go so bad so fast? Our wonderful, relaxing, weekend, of nothing but family fun, has been ruined in the matter of a few hours. And I find myself blaming him. The youngest one of the bunch, for only a few more weeks. I say things like, "terrible threes", and "he is so bad" out of anger and I realize that, even though I am talking to someone else when I say them, he is in earshot and can hear me, his mama, speaking of him this way.

I sit on the couch and try to catch my breath for five minutes, but immediately feel it hit my shoulders, the weight of the stress of it all. The worry and fears that are hidden deep down. How am I going to do this? How am I going to spend enough time growing and bonding with my beautiful daughter, who is already too old for my liking? How am I going to homeschool and tend to a newborn and a toddler? How am I to discipline while being patient and loving? How am I to love and spend the right amount of time with all three of my children?

3C906FF2, Uploaded with Snapbucket

2EB57312, Uploaded with Snapbucket

Right now it feels like so much of my day is being spent with Caleb. Correcting him, picking up after him, tending to his wants and needs. How this will all change when our little girl arrives. I am already fearing the exhaustion that I hope does not come...or stay...for too long!

But, in moments of complete and utter stress and feeling of failure, when I sit, relax, and allow God to help me, I am reminded of how real and true His words are. How I am so thankful for hiding them in my heart for moments when I need their gentle reminder. I am not to have a spirit of fear. I am not meant to feel that I am doing this all on my own and allow the stress of my day to steal away the joy in it! I have a loving, heavenly, Father, that wants me to come, kneel before Him, and place it all at His feet. He wants to take care of me. He wants to restore the joy that has one too many times been stolen from me. He wants me to enjoy this life the way He intended for me. He wants me to talk to Him, all day, about everything. He wants to be my friend!

I know I am meant to discipline and lead my children to be good stewards of God's word. I know there are going to be times in each one of their lives that they might need me more that the others...but only for a season. And just like I do not want the toxic thoughts to reside in my mind and heart, I also do not want to be the one speaking toxicity to my kids. I want to speak life into them!

So, with the Lords grace, I will show grace to my kids. With His patience, I will be more patient with my kids. Through His forgivesness,  I will forgive. And by His love, I will love...with all that I have and all that I am!

I am truly blessed to be mama to these 2...almost 3...little ones! And I want my actions to reflect that each and everyday!

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!" ~ John 15:5-7 {emphasis mine}

I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love." ~ John 15:9 {emphasis mine}

"I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!" ~ John 15:11 {emphasis mine}

"You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name." ~ John 15:14-16 {emphasis mine}

7 comments:

  1. I love this post straight from your heart! God will equip you with everything you need for this journey, Mama! Just cherish every moment and memory! Each "hard" stage only lasts so long and then once you have it conquered, you get to begin another! The beauty of motherhood! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful. Straight to my heart. This is just wanted my heart needed after a night of shoving pees in little ones mouths and yelling for the 1000th time that we are going to be late for VBS! Thank you.
    -Mindy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your words spoke right to my mama's heart. Your days(with your little guy) sound much like mine--minus that blessed baby belly. I always find myself murmuring'"It won't always be this hard" through each stage.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Those days do rob us of such joy...and yet we are meant to see the good in all things, at all times! It's very difficult for me to stay calm when one little one is acting up and the other little one just wants her momma...and momma just wants a time out!

    Praying with you to see the joy and not let the rain in!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for this very honest post. I also had some very stressful moments last week and would find my joy being sucked away. It is at those times that we pray and rely upon God the most. Don't worry, you aren't alone and this challenge of giving our troubles to God and keeping our joy is a life-long challenge. Praying for you and all of us to keep the joy and peace God wants us to have!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amen and OH how I do hear what you are saying! I have one who leaves me fit to be tied sometimes. And I'm becoming more and more aware of how I let his behavior steal my joy and ruin a perfectly good day. Sometimes I feel defeated even before I get out of bed in the morning. But today is the only day I have. So why am I letting go of God and what He has to offer me so quickly!?

    I hope and I pray I have time enough to learn and to grow in this area!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes- HIS grace to flood us and pour out on those around us!! So glad you are letting Him speak truth and joy into your soul.

    This week I've had the joy of just having Ariya home with me, (the other five are having a great time at Grandma and Grandpa's) and you know what!? It is still challenging. And I wonder how does anything get done with 6!? But, honestly sometimes I think it's easier with more... they're are others to entertain the little ones, to help with chores, and fill the l-o-n-g day with giggles and craziness and a reason to plan.

    God is good! He is giving you the strength and grace to not stay in the muck, but to focus your eyes on Him! Thank you for your sweet honesty in allowing us to see God working in you!!
    Jessica

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from my readers! Thanks for stopping by and saying "Hi"!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Allowing Stress to Steal my Joy

He has already smacked, scratched, kicked, and punched his sister, and it is not even noon yet!

Standing up in the backseat for the third time today, still not used to being in his "big boy seat", has me yelling at the top of my lungs! My patience is already gone and I am stressing over the fact that I have had to pull over, once again, to buckle him back up!

Yogurt gets spilled on the living room carpet. Cheese smeared, yes smeared, on the top of their bookcase and I've stepped on one too many little dump trucks to count!

Dark clouds fill the sky this afternoon and I think to myself how fitting it is for how I am feeling today. How can everything go so bad so fast? Our wonderful, relaxing, weekend, of nothing but family fun, has been ruined in the matter of a few hours. And I find myself blaming him. The youngest one of the bunch, for only a few more weeks. I say things like, "terrible threes", and "he is so bad" out of anger and I realize that, even though I am talking to someone else when I say them, he is in earshot and can hear me, his mama, speaking of him this way.

I sit on the couch and try to catch my breath for five minutes, but immediately feel it hit my shoulders, the weight of the stress of it all. The worry and fears that are hidden deep down. How am I going to do this? How am I going to spend enough time growing and bonding with my beautiful daughter, who is already too old for my liking? How am I going to homeschool and tend to a newborn and a toddler? How am I to discipline while being patient and loving? How am I to love and spend the right amount of time with all three of my children?

3C906FF2, Uploaded with Snapbucket

2EB57312, Uploaded with Snapbucket

Right now it feels like so much of my day is being spent with Caleb. Correcting him, picking up after him, tending to his wants and needs. How this will all change when our little girl arrives. I am already fearing the exhaustion that I hope does not come...or stay...for too long!

But, in moments of complete and utter stress and feeling of failure, when I sit, relax, and allow God to help me, I am reminded of how real and true His words are. How I am so thankful for hiding them in my heart for moments when I need their gentle reminder. I am not to have a spirit of fear. I am not meant to feel that I am doing this all on my own and allow the stress of my day to steal away the joy in it! I have a loving, heavenly, Father, that wants me to come, kneel before Him, and place it all at His feet. He wants to take care of me. He wants to restore the joy that has one too many times been stolen from me. He wants me to enjoy this life the way He intended for me. He wants me to talk to Him, all day, about everything. He wants to be my friend!

I know I am meant to discipline and lead my children to be good stewards of God's word. I know there are going to be times in each one of their lives that they might need me more that the others...but only for a season. And just like I do not want the toxic thoughts to reside in my mind and heart, I also do not want to be the one speaking toxicity to my kids. I want to speak life into them!

So, with the Lords grace, I will show grace to my kids. With His patience, I will be more patient with my kids. Through His forgivesness,  I will forgive. And by His love, I will love...with all that I have and all that I am!

I am truly blessed to be mama to these 2...almost 3...little ones! And I want my actions to reflect that each and everyday!

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!" ~ John 15:5-7 {emphasis mine}

I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love." ~ John 15:9 {emphasis mine}

"I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!" ~ John 15:11 {emphasis mine}

"You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name." ~ John 15:14-16 {emphasis mine}

7 comments:

  1. I love this post straight from your heart! God will equip you with everything you need for this journey, Mama! Just cherish every moment and memory! Each "hard" stage only lasts so long and then once you have it conquered, you get to begin another! The beauty of motherhood! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful. Straight to my heart. This is just wanted my heart needed after a night of shoving pees in little ones mouths and yelling for the 1000th time that we are going to be late for VBS! Thank you.
    -Mindy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your words spoke right to my mama's heart. Your days(with your little guy) sound much like mine--minus that blessed baby belly. I always find myself murmuring'"It won't always be this hard" through each stage.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Those days do rob us of such joy...and yet we are meant to see the good in all things, at all times! It's very difficult for me to stay calm when one little one is acting up and the other little one just wants her momma...and momma just wants a time out!

    Praying with you to see the joy and not let the rain in!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for this very honest post. I also had some very stressful moments last week and would find my joy being sucked away. It is at those times that we pray and rely upon God the most. Don't worry, you aren't alone and this challenge of giving our troubles to God and keeping our joy is a life-long challenge. Praying for you and all of us to keep the joy and peace God wants us to have!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amen and OH how I do hear what you are saying! I have one who leaves me fit to be tied sometimes. And I'm becoming more and more aware of how I let his behavior steal my joy and ruin a perfectly good day. Sometimes I feel defeated even before I get out of bed in the morning. But today is the only day I have. So why am I letting go of God and what He has to offer me so quickly!?

    I hope and I pray I have time enough to learn and to grow in this area!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yes- HIS grace to flood us and pour out on those around us!! So glad you are letting Him speak truth and joy into your soul.

    This week I've had the joy of just having Ariya home with me, (the other five are having a great time at Grandma and Grandpa's) and you know what!? It is still challenging. And I wonder how does anything get done with 6!? But, honestly sometimes I think it's easier with more... they're are others to entertain the little ones, to help with chores, and fill the l-o-n-g day with giggles and craziness and a reason to plan.

    God is good! He is giving you the strength and grace to not stay in the muck, but to focus your eyes on Him! Thank you for your sweet honesty in allowing us to see God working in you!!
    Jessica

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from my readers! Thanks for stopping by and saying "Hi"!

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