Allowing Stress to Steal my Joy

He has already smacked, scratched, kicked, and punched his sister, and it is not even noon yet!

Standing up in the backseat for the third time today, still not used to being in his "big boy seat", has me yelling at the top of my lungs! My patience is already gone and I am stressing over the fact that I have had to pull over, once again, to buckle him back up!

Yogurt gets spilled on the living room carpet. Cheese smeared, yes smeared, on the top of their bookcase and I've stepped on one too many little dump trucks to count!

Dark clouds fill the sky this afternoon and I think to myself how fitting it is for how I am feeling today. How can everything go so bad so fast? Our wonderful, relaxing, weekend, of nothing but family fun, has been ruined in the matter of a few hours. And I find myself blaming him. The youngest one of the bunch, for only a few more weeks. I say things like, "terrible threes", and "he is so bad" out of anger and I realize that, even though I am talking to someone else when I say them, he is in earshot and can hear me, his mama, speaking of him this way.

I sit on the couch and try to catch my breath for five minutes, but immediately feel it hit my shoulders, the weight of the stress of it all. The worry and fears that are hidden deep down. How am I going to do this? How am I going to spend enough time growing and bonding with my beautiful daughter, who is already too old for my liking? How am I going to homeschool and tend to a newborn and a toddler? How am I to discipline while being patient and loving? How am I to love and spend the right amount of time with all three of my children?

Right now it feels like so much of my day is being spent with Caleb. Correcting him, picking up after him, tending to his wants and needs. How this will all change when our little girl arrives. I am already fearing the exhaustion that I hope does not come...or stay...for too long!

But, in moments of complete and utter stress and feeling of failure, when I sit, relax, and allow God to help me, I am reminded of how real and true His words are. How I am so thankful for hiding them in my heart for moments when I need their gentle reminder. I am not to have a spirit of fear. I am not meant to feel that I am doing this all on my own and allow the stress of my day to steal away the joy in it! I have a loving, heavenly, Father, that wants me to come, kneel before Him, and place it all at His feet. He wants to take care of me. He wants to restore the joy that has one too many times been stolen from me. He wants me to enjoy this life the way He intended for me. He wants me to talk to Him, all day, about everything. He wants to be my friend!

I know I am meant to discipline and lead my children to be good stewards of God's word. I know there are going to be times in each one of their lives that they might need me more that the others...but only for a season. And just like I do not want the toxic thoughts to reside in my mind and heart, I also do not want to be the one speaking toxicity to my kids. I want to speak life into them!

So, with the Lords grace, I will show grace to my kids. With His patience, I will be more patient with my kids. Through His forgivesness,  I will forgive. And by His love, I will love...with all that I have and all that I am!

I am truly blessed to be mama to these 2...almost 3...little ones! And I want my actions to reflect that each and everyday!

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted!" ~ John 15:5-7 {emphasis mine}

“I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love." ~ John 15:9 {emphasis mine}

"I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!" ~ John 15:11 {emphasis mine}

"You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name." ~ John 15:14-16 {emphasis mine}